TexasEscapes.com HOME Welcome to Texas Escapes
A magazine written by Texas
Custom Search
New   |   Texas Towns   |   Ghost Towns   |   Counties   |   Trips   |   Features   |   Columns   |   Architecture   |   Images   |   Archives   |   Site Map

Counties
Texas Counties

Towns a-Z
Texas Towns
A - Z





Columns

Texas | Columns | "Quips and Salsa"

A love letter to my generator

by Jase Graves
Jase Graves

Dear Generac standby home generator,

I want to apologize for calling down multiple elaborate curses upon you for being so expensive as you sat loitering beside the house almost completely idle for the three years since I financed you-despite the fact that the electricity in our neighborhood had previously been about as reliable as a toddler doing Algebra.

I must admit that I bought you on the rebound. I was just coming off a string of hurtful betrayals by our power company. We had been on and off for some time.

Often, when our power went out at night, I would catch the electricity partying a couple of blocks away with the street lights shining like we had never even been together, but it always eventually returned and clicked on my air conditioner-as if it were making a promise that both of us knew it wouldn't keep.

Finally, though, after the power company (once again) stood me up and left me lying in bed, sweating and wondering if it was ever coming back-and then gave me no credible explanation about where it had been or with whom-it was the last straw.

I was introduced to you by a friend who had purchased a similar generator model and swore that we would be a perfect match. I felt an instant attraction to your beige complexion, seductively curved edges and removable front panel. But you weren't flashy-just a solid, steady unit with a good reputation, the type who wouldn't stray.

And you certainly weren't cheap. I knew that when I financed you, we were in this for the long haul. Some said you weren't worth such a commitment. Neighbors laughed, and relatives scoffed. But I was determined to make this relationship work. I would never be left heartbroken from having to throw out my frozen desserts again.

Once you were installed, though, I should have known what would happen next. The power company immediately came crawling back with consistent, reliable electricity that rarely even blinked in the face of thunderstorms, winter blasts or my three daughters using their expensive designer hair dryers all at once. It was as if it was trying to prove something-to win me back by making me feel foolish for thinking I could do better-and it worked.

For three years, I practically forgot you were there. Only the plaintive hum of your test runs on Mondays at 7:00 PM and your demanding monthly payments jolted me back into the resented reality of our arrangement. There were times that I hated you for trapping me in your long-term financing plan. How stupid I had been! You and I were just one big mistake.

And then it happened. A cluster of massive storms ransacked the East Texas power grid with the kind of devastating carnage that my daughters and their friends inflict on our guest bathroom during a sleepover. Power at my house was out for five days amid a massive heat wave, and despite years of neglect and verbal abuse, you remained faithful, keeping me from traumatizing my family by having to remove my shirt to stay cool.

So, once again, my beloved Generac standby home generator, I apologize for doubting you. You were there for me when my sweat glands needed you the most, and you've been there all along. Now that all of this is over, I think I'll treat you to an oil change-if I can afford it.

Yours truly according to the terms of my payment schedule,
Jase Graves
Jase Graves
"Quips and Salsa" 6-27-2023 column



Jase Grave's "Quips and Salsa" columns
Humor


  • My rock still tries to roll 6-13-23
  • Big Box Blues 5-30-23
  • How to "un-dorm" a college student 5-16-23
  • Prom Seasonal Allergies 5-2-23
  • Hospice Care for Cars 4-18-23

    more »


  • Texas Escapes Online Magazine »   Archive Issues » Home »
    TEXAS TOWNS & COUNTIES TEXAS LANDMARKS & IMAGES TEXAS HISTORY & CULTURE TEXAS OUTDOORS MORE
    Texas Counties
    Texas Towns A-Z
    Texas Ghost Towns

    TEXAS REGIONS:
    Central Texas North
    Central Texas South
    Texas Gulf Coast
    Texas Panhandle
    Texas Hill Country
    East Texas
    South Texas
    West Texas

    Courthouses
    Jails
    Churches
    Schoolhouses
    Bridges
    Theaters
    Depots
    Rooms with a Past
    Monuments
    Statues

    Gas Stations
    Post Offices
    Museums
    Water Towers
    Grain Elevators
    Cotton Gins
    Lodges
    Stores
    Banks

    Vintage Photos
    Historic Trees
    Cemeteries
    Old Neon
    Ghost Signs
    Signs
    Murals
    Gargoyles
    Pitted Dates
    Cornerstones
    Then & Now

    Columns: History/Opinion
    Texas History
    Small Town Sagas
    Black History
    WWII
    Texas Centennial
    Ghosts
    People
    Animals
    Food
    Music
    Art

    Books
    Cotton
    Texas Railroads

    Texas Trips
    Texas Drives
    Texas State Parks
    Texas Rivers
    Texas Lakes
    Texas Forts
    Texas Trails
    Texas Maps
    USA
    MEXICO
    HOTELS

    Site Map
    About Us
    Privacy Statement
    Disclaimer
    Contributors
    Staff
    Contact Us

     
    Website Content Copyright Texas Escapes LLC. All Rights Reserved