Generac standby home generator,
I want to apologize for calling down multiple elaborate curses upon
you for being so expensive as you sat loitering beside the house almost
completely idle for the three years since I financed you-despite the
fact that the electricity in our neighborhood had previously been
about as reliable as a toddler doing Algebra.
I must admit that I bought you on the rebound. I was just coming off
a string of hurtful betrayals by our power company. We had been on
and off for some time.
Often, when our power went out at night, I would catch the electricity
partying a couple of blocks away with the street lights shining like
we had never even been together, but it always eventually returned
and clicked on my air conditioner-as if it were making a promise that
both of us knew it wouldn't keep.
Finally, though, after the power company (once again) stood me up
and left me lying in bed, sweating and wondering if it was ever coming
back-and then gave me no credible explanation about where it had been
or with whom-it was the last straw.
I was introduced to you by a friend who had purchased a similar generator
model and swore that we would be a perfect match. I felt an instant
attraction to your beige complexion, seductively curved edges and
removable front panel. But you weren't flashy-just a solid, steady
unit with a good reputation, the type who wouldn't stray.
And you certainly weren't cheap. I knew that when I financed you,
we were in this for the long haul. Some said you weren't worth such
a commitment. Neighbors laughed, and relatives scoffed. But I was
determined to make this relationship work. I would never be left heartbroken
from having to throw out my frozen desserts again.
Once you were installed, though, I should have known what would happen
next. The power company immediately came crawling back with consistent,
reliable electricity that rarely even blinked in the face of thunderstorms,
winter blasts or my three daughters using their expensive designer
hair dryers all at once. It was as if it was trying to prove something-to
win me back by making me feel foolish for thinking I could do better-and
For three years, I practically forgot you were there. Only the plaintive
hum of your test runs on Mondays at 7:00 PM and your demanding monthly
payments jolted me back into the resented reality of our arrangement.
There were times that I hated you for trapping me in your long-term
financing plan. How stupid I had been! You and I were just one big
And then it happened. A cluster of massive storms ransacked the East
Texas power grid with the kind of devastating carnage that my daughters
and their friends inflict on our guest bathroom during a sleepover.
Power at my house was out for five days amid a massive heat wave,
and despite years of neglect and verbal abuse, you remained faithful,
keeping me from traumatizing my family by having to remove my shirt
to stay cool.
So, once again, my beloved Generac standby home generator, I apologize
for doubting you. You were there for me when my sweat glands needed
you the most, and you've been there all along. Now that all of this
is over, I think I'll treat you to an oil change-if I can afford it.
Yours truly according to the terms of my payment schedule,