God I only have two knees. One was fixed some thirty five years ago and the other
was replaced about two weeks ago. I should be good to go for another fifteen or
twenty years. If I had any more to repair I think I would have to drink poison
or something. Sitting around the house is not any fun for me; it is boring with
a capital ĎBí.
I seldom get time to watch daytime television, and after
a solid week of it, cannot figure out whey they even have any programming on at
all, itís all so bad. I basically got tired of watching the hair grow back on
my legs where they operated and was led into a life of ďAs the world turnsĒ, ďGeneral
HospitalĒ and some other soap opera about vampires. I still canít figure that
one out. Maybe itís the pain medication. Itís beyond me how anyone can get hooked
on these things, they are so predicable. I donít think Iíve seen one in twenty
or thirty years, but they havenít changed. All of the actors seem to practice
staring a lot.
ďJennifer has a car wreck and the male passenger with her
is seriously injuredÖ.Jenniferís husband (Brad) is upset and refuses to believe
her story about this being one of the members of her adult bible study. What is
ďJason comes home late from drinking with his friends and
tells his wife that he was abducted against his will by a group of aliens pretending
to be old college chums.Ē
ďWho is the real father of Leslieís baby?Ē
make matters worse, my cable goes out and Iím reduced to about five channels.
I call the cable people and they tell me it will be a week before they can come
out and repair it. I canít get off the couch to do anything and am about to go
nuts watching the soaps and the news. Both of which can make you question your
sanity. I finally get the cable people back on the line and plead for mercy, I
may have cried, I donít recall. They send a technician out to fix the problem,
but in the course of making the repairs he tells me this story about how gruesome
the surgery was on his girlfriendsí back. I canít leave and know I am about to
pass out while he describes all of the gory details of her operation. Finally
he finishes and Iím back on track to watch some quality programming.
being the Fourth of July week, all of the old movies are war movies, which Iíve
seen a thousand times. I sit through Midway twice and when you can remember the
words of the Japanese, you know you should quit. Iíve seen Gaslight more times
than I can count. Enough already send in some new stuff for heavens sake.
I tune to the channel where Modern Marvels is having a weekend long marathon.
I learn more about corn and itís thousands of uses than I ever needed to know
in my life. Then I get hooked on barges dredging the Mississippi River. What an
interesting way to spend a couple of hours. Watching a giant ship dig up sand
and mud and throw it back onto the shoreline. Simply fascinating. I should have
recorded it for future viewing. These men work long and hard, but two hours was
my limit. I was tired enough to doze through most of the next couple of hours
concerning the refloating of a barge that had gotten stuck on land during one
of the last hurricanes. By the time I woke up, I had a case of the big eye and
Great news, another marathon on The Deadliest Catch. This
one will keep you on the edge of your chair. Throw out bait and pull in fish.
Throw out bait and pull in crabs. Next hoursÖ.throw out bait and pull in fish.
Throw out bait and pull in crabs. Repeat for several more hours.
give up and find a book to read. There is only so much room in your brain for
vast amounts of useless information.
One thing I would like to know is
how does the hair on your legs know to grow to a certain length and then stop?
Now thatís a show I could watch.
© Peary Perry
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From North America - July 8, 2009 column
Syndicated weekly in
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