here it is that time of the year once more. Normally all of us go out of our way
to make lists of things we intend to do in the forthcoming year. These are called
New Year’s Resolutions. |
Another name for them would be … “the best of
All of us vow to lose weight, exercise more, be kinder to
others, save more money, eat better foods and on and on. Health clubs do a booming
business for about the first ninety days of the year and then the members get
tired and fall back into their evil ways. The cycle then begins to repeat itself
by us forgetting our resolutions and sinking back into the depths of depravity
by sucking down those cola’s, eating chocolate and ‘forgetting’ our workout clothes
which keeps us from going to the gym. So much for good intentions.
not that we’re bad, we’re just human.
But this year is going to be different.
Of course I will attempt to lose weight and take better care of myself that goes
without saying, but I have several new resolutions.
For one, I am going
to refuse to send out alert type e-mails until I check them for their truthfulness
first. You know what I mean, those that come to you on a regular basis telling
you that the government is going to start taxing our e-mails or that I need to
add my name to the national ‘do not call’ registry since it is going to close
in the next 48 hours. I might want to rethink my position on the tax matter, or
anything related to the government. They might start taxing air if we’re not careful.
I will not open any more e-mails from some distant widow lady or banker
in Nigeria. I know I am a good guy, and I am probably throwing away a lot of money,
but really how do they manage to find me? In 2008, I bet I was the lucky recipient
of over 350 million dollars that had been left to me by some one in Africa or
as the result of my name being randomly drawn from some Irish sweepstakes. I took
several of these letters to my local banker and tried a borrow enough to get a
new car. You can guess how far this went.
Bill Gates does not want to
share his fortune with me. I have given up on trying to get my share of his loot.
I know, I am probably passing up another good opportunity, but I have sent those
letters out to over 400 of my friends and have never gotten a penny back from
old Bill. Forget this for 2009.
My luck has not gotten better as a result
of sending on the “Mother Mary prayer chain” to all of the folks on my e-mail
list. My luck has not gotten any worse for having broken the prayer chain from
some group of singing nuns in Ontario. I’m sorry if this chain has been going
around the world for over ten years. It stopped with me. God can sue me if He
wants to do so. I’ll take it up with Him in person.
I firmly resolve not
to fall victim to any more television ads from Billy Mayes and that new guy who
wears the phony headset. I have enough Snuggies, Shamwow and Oxiclean to last
me a lifetime. I do want the new food chopper that came out last week, but that
will be the last of it. I promise.
The only thing I can tell you that
I would do if and when I have the time is to record the memories of old people.
By old, I mean older than me. I realized this past year that those memories die
if they aren’t written or recorded. I did a project on my 88 year old aunt about
her experiences in WWII and would have loved to have done one with other relatives
of mine before they died. They have so much to share about their lives. We need
to listen and record these experiences before it’s too late. Come to think of
it, I plan on taking more photographs of everyone this coming year. You should
do the same. Write letters, keep a journal, send photographs to family and friends.
The years come and go so fast. Every day you waste is one you won’t get back.
Oh, yes and don’t forget to been kinder and eat more vegetables.
a happy New Year and the best to all for 2009.
Letters From North America December
31, 2008 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
Comments go to firstname.lastname@example.org
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