Hate The Cold
by Peary Perry
how time flies……I was just thinking about the winter Olympics the other day and
here they are again. Actually it was four years ago when I thought about them
but then who’s counting? As always I make a promise to myself to really get into
watching all of the events, but then my resolve dissipates like my diet whenever
there is a choice of cheesecakes. I mean well, but it just doesn’t happen.|
I hate cold. I mean I really hate cold. When I was in the army I was sent to Kentucky,
Korea and Kansas…all cold places. These places have snow every year. Kansas was
the worst, the wind came from who knows where and just cut you to the bone. I
could never seem to get warm. In Korea we used diesel to keep the furnaces going
when we were in the camp. You filled them up with a five gallon can. About two
in the morning they always seems to run out and I’d get so cold I’d get out of
bed, drag the can to the diesel tank (about 300 yards away) and come back and
fill up the furnace. Trust me; I wasn’t very quiet in doing it either. Finally
I wised up and bought an electric blanket and solved that little problem. The
next guy who had to go get the diesel wasn’t very quiet either. I still hate him.
here we are back for the Olympics and I have no clue as to who the major players
are. In my last article (four years ago) I suggested some new events which I thought
might liven the whole thing up….such as snow bowling, Nascar racing on a snow
track and finally combining ski jumping with the biathlon. None of my suggestions
seemed to be taken to heart by the members of the Olympic committee, so I suppose
I’ll have to try again in four years.
This year we seem to be somewhat
off kilter since the events are in the pacific time zone. When you have them overseas,
I think we see more of them since they are highlighted and broadcast in the evening.
Who has time to watch this stuff during the day? I suppose those unemployed can
do so, but shouldn’t they be out trying to find a job rather than spending four
or five hours watching speed skating?
This year, the little I have seen
seems to be in the time slot where the curling events are taking place. To tell
the truth, I’d rather watch paint dry. I find that much more exciting.
looks to me to be a version of shuffleboard on ice with brooms. What’s with the
brooms? Are they sweeping the space in front because the ice is dirty or what?
You never see a hockey player with a broom…well in a fight maybe, but not in a
game. Oh, well maybe sometimes in a game. Hockey is a great winter game….they
need to have it at the Olympics. They do? Well, so much for my powers of observation.
last thing, the Olympic committee as well as the host cities are always complaining
about the cost of these events and how much money they lose holding them. I should
suggest that they are missing a bet on selling advertising space. The bottoms
of the skies and snowboards should be prime spots for General Electric and Ford.
The ice skaters usually wear costumes without any sponsors names on them. Look
at those guys (and women…woman?) racing cars…I bet they have tattoos with Coca
Cola and Pepsi on them. Huge sums could be made by having those patches sewn onto
the tutu’s and skirts of the female skaters and maybe having the men’s skates
blink on and off with ‘Google’ or ‘Amazon’…..it could be big.
my idea of combining events…try this...picture snow and sumo wresting. The combination
of ice cold ground and large fat guys in small briefs or whatever they call those
things. Boggles the mind doesn’t it? Keep thinking and send your concepts to me,
I’ll group them all together and maybe the events of 2014 will be more interesting.
I hear the events are going to be held in Cairo….maybe that’s not right, but I’ll
check on it and get back to you.
© Peary Perry
From North America -
February 24, 2010 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
by Peary Perry - Order Now||