know sometimes there are things out there that we should not try to improve upon.
For example, whoever the first guy was that invented fire. Now, that was a great
tool that hasn’t been improved since the dawn of mankind. Can’t improve on it
can we? But really…think about this….when televisions first came out …everyone
was so thrilled to just have one that it took years to realize that we had to
actually get up from the couch and walk (yes, walk) to the TV set and turn a knob
to tune in another channel. I wonder if anyone has done a survey to see what the
fat content of the average American has risen to since TV remotes came into existence.
Good thought for you grant applicants.
Remote controls have done more
to produce couch potatoes than any other device invented to date. However, look
around…..We now have a remote for how many devices in our houses? Well, besides
the one for the TV, we have one for the cable machine. Then another one for the
stereo. Next we’ve got one for the DVD and finally one for the IPOD. Try getting
all of those to work in beautiful harmony, if you can (you can’t but your 10 year
old nephew can).
Then if, we are smart we got out and buy something called
a ‘universal remote’. Now this is a device sold by con men that will tell you…
‘This is the ONLY device you’ll ever need’…. Lies, lies, lies. I know, since I’ve
been a victim of their outrageous deception. I bet I’ve bought 5 or 6 of those
things….. The programming guide requires a Ph.D. from Cal Tech or some school
of advanced physics. First off, you have to know what make and model you have
for your TV, cable machine, and DVD. Who knows that? We threw that stuff away
with the instructions. So now we have to play the point and click game. That’s
a neat little game wherein you sit in front of the TV set fully dressed and point
this little hand held device at all of the electrical appliances while waiting
for the hand held device to beep or light up or anything when it ‘recognizes’
the make and model of your stuff.
If you are a human and you can’t do
this…what makes you think a battery operated hand held thingamabob can do better
than you? I have to think there is probably some room full of computer designers
just sitting around laughing their heads off about those of us sitting in front
of our TV sets pointing away and screaming at the kids to shut up so we can hear
the thing if it beeps.
Now, the other day I was having a ceiling fan installed.
It took the guy about three times longer than it should have. This was unusual,
since I was paying him by the job not the hour. I expect them to take longer when
they are paid by the hour. Anyway, he finally gets it fixed and we are talking
while I write the check. I asked him what took so long and he said this model
had been wired for a remote control.
Great, now we can sit on the couch
and don’t even have to get up to turn the fan off and on or make it speed up or
slow down. The only thing worse than this is a remote control fire place. And
believe it or not….they have them. Yes, now you can sit your fat self on the couch
and turn on the TV, stereo, cable box, DVD…your IPOD, and have the fan on and
blowing your fat self …then if you get cold you can punch a button and have the
fire place come on and heat up the room so your fat self won’t have to be disturbed
by getting up to actually do something. I counted 87 buttons on all of my remotes
the other night. I bet I use 10 at the max. At this rate, in about 15 or 20 years,
I bet you won’t have to get up from the couch to go get anything to eat or drink.
Makes you wonder what they will do about the bathrooms, doesn’t it? Porta potties.
Wave of the future. What a thought. I’m out of here, got to go for a walk. I need
a walk…in fact I need a lot of walks.
© Peary Perry
Comments go to email@example.com
From North America - October 28, 2009 column
in 80 newspapers
Online Magazine | Columns |