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 Texas : Features : Columns : Letters From North America :
Men and Melon by Peary Perry

You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped'...
Peary Perry
Man and watermelons
"Men and melons are hard to understand." - Ben Franklin

Photo courtesy Luling Chamber of Commerce
My ability to sympathize with people who have chronic illnesses or sickness has just gone up by about 1,000 percent this past couple of weeks.

As you may recall, I wrote about having a knee operated on several weeks ago. The operation was a success but the patient died is not far from wrong. While in the hospital (a place where one goes to get well, not sick) I managed to catch some type of bronchial virus or whatever that has me whipped like a dog. Iím on several different kinds of medications and canít seem to get caught up on my sleep. Iíd hate to think this might go on for some time, but doesnít look like itís going to get better any time soon. It really is depressing to try and deal with the fact that you might not be able to bounce back as quickly as you could 15 or 20 years ago.

In the meantime, I have to knock out something to fill this space for the week and Iím having a difficult time just staying awake to knock this out this morning. God is good enough to give me a pass and he sends some witticisms along in this morningís collection of trash e-mails that I found somewhat humorous and applicable in todayís times. So, here they are.
Common Sense Words for the Wise:
  1. Don't name a calf you plan to eat...
  2. Your fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong...
  3. Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce...
  4. Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance...
  5. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump...
  6. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
  7. Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled...
  8. Meanness don't jest happen overnight...
  9. Forgive your enemies.† It drives them nuts...
  10. Don't sell your mule to buy a plow...
  11. Do not, corner something that you know is meaner than you...
  12. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge...
  13. You can not un-say a cruel word...
  14. Every path has a few puddles...
  15. Don't spit into the wind...
  16. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty...
  17. The best sermons are lived, not preached...
  18. Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway...
  19. Don't squat or hunker down with your spurs on...
  20. Don't judge people by their relatives...
  21. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer...
  22. Live a good, honorable life.† Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time...
  23. Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
  24. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance...
  25. It's better to be a has-been than a never-was...
  26. The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.† The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
  27. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'...
  28. If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
  29. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep...
  30. Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got...
  31. The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning...
  32. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around...
  33. Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think...
  34. Only cows know why they stampede...
  35. Always drink upstream from the herd...
  36. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya...
  37. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment...
  38. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in...
  39. You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped'...
  40. Never...Never...miss a good opportunity to shut up...
Having said that last one, Iíll shut up and try to get better by next week.
© Peary Perry
Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
Letters From North America
- June 15, 2005 column
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