by Peary Perry
this will be the last article I write about my youngest son getting married. Next
week I’ll get back on the economy or taxation or crime or something that might
be of more interest to you. In the meantime just bear with me, ok? |
the past twenty five years or so, I’ve always tried to convey some words of wisdom
to those young men who are about to be married. I have explained how to best avoid
such topics as … “Would you remarry if something should happen to me?” (No, I
would become a monk) “Does this dress make my butt too large?” ( Is that someone
at the door? I’ll get it). “Have you ever been sorry that you married me?” ( The
thought has never crossed my mind even once).
My final words to him concern
nine words and phrases that women use after you are married. These (like a display
of temper) are seldom seen during the dating/engagement cycle. This is kind of
like buying a surprise box….you don’t get to see the entire thing until after
you’ve paid for it and taken it home. I would encourage you to cut this article
out and save it for some young man who is a family member or a friend as it should
save him a considerable amount of grief. I did not make this up, some kind person
sent these to me, but I think they work for all of us married men.
WORDS/PHRASES WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end
an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five
minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before
helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with
nothing usually end in fine. (see #1)
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.
Don't Do It! This never ends well.
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word,
but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she
thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
Note: this expression may be followed by ‘Fine’ (see #1)
(6) That's Okay: This
is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay
means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay
for your mistake. This can vary in length from twenty four hours to several years.
Do not mistake silence for acceptance.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you,
do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause
here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and
she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring
on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying “You can go to
H_ _ __ as far as I’m concerned.”
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another
dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to
do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man
asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
there are many more that I could write about, but I just don’t have the time this
week. I’m also aware that there are probably as many words/phrases that men use
that women could discuss at a later date. Since I’m an equal opportunity writer,
if you can think of any, send them on. I’ll work up something that explains the
ladies side of the story as well.
© Peary Perry
Comments go to email@example.com
From North America - July 29, 2009 column
in 80 newspapers
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