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 Texas : Features : Columns : Letters From North America :
Opinion
Letters From North America
by Peary Perry


Firsts

So, if you invent something totally bizarre, how do you go about trying to find someone to try it out for the first time?
Peary Perry
If you're like me, you find yourself wondering about things that you happen to see from time to time. I'm always amazed by new inventions; you'd think everything would be invented by now, wouldn't you? If I recall I read somewhere that the US patent office was shut down for a short period of time may years ago. Seems someone had determined there wasn't anything left to invent. Had to reopen it since the cotton gin come available or something like that.

Isn't it interesting how things develop? I mean like eggs. Not how an egg was formed or hatched, but how it came about that someone decided, "This might be good, let's eat it". If I had to guess, I'd be willing to bet the first egg eater was totally oblivious to what he was eating. Probably his best friend, Thor… saw the egg in a nest, cracked one open and thought it would be a great joke to serve it up and see what kind of a reaction he'd get. When the butt of his joke (no pun intended) didn't get sick, but actually liked what he ate, the omelet was invented. The rest is history.

So, if you invent something totally bizarre, how do you go about trying to find someone to try it out for the first time? Take bungee jumping for example. What kind of a moron would agree to throw himself off the top of some tower or bridge just to test the idea of bouncing back up? How many of those guys did they run through before they got the length and cord strength problems worked out? "Oops, next time we better make it a tad shorter, this one was way too long again. I thought you fixed that? Sorry about that… Fred. You make the call this time, I did the last two".

Shark repellent. Was there a 'help wanted' ad in the paper for this job? Did someone actually volunteer to dive into shark infested water wearing some new chemical in order to test the effectiveness of an unknown new product? How many formulas did they go through before they got one that worked? The ad might have read like…"Wanted, willing subject needed for marine experiment. Must be fearless and single. Temporary employment, excellent salary, no benefits." Maybe they didn't tell the guy what the job entailed and he signed up thinking he was going off to some exotic, National Geographic adventure. Kumbaya for you.

How about those ads you see nearly every day for folks to come in and help with some new drug test? You know those ones where you get paid to be studied for several weekends. I'll bet the disclaimers for participation in one of these will take about an hour to sign. "May cause headaches, diarrhea, muscle cramps, hair loss, ringing in the ears, weight gain or weight loss, bloating, skin irritations, loss of muscle tone, and other minor aliments." Payments will vary according to your reactions to these new and untested medications. I make a joke about these, but I'd be willing to bet there are lots of people flocking to sign up for god knows what just to make a few more bucks. "Yep, Edna, all I've got to do is take several more weeks of those high dosage radiation exposure tests and we'll have enough cash for that new camper. We might have to get it fitted with some kind of a ramp since I seem to be having trouble moving my legs these past couple of weeks."

Stunt drivers for the movies. How did you first get picked for one of those? Now the producers figured out early on that putting their million dollar star in a burning, speeding car that was destined to crash off of some mountain might endanger their investment, so I'd imagine the call went out for someone to fill in for the big guy. Up pops, the class clown, who has more broken limbs than sense and says,"That's something I can do" and lo and behold the stunt double business is started. There you have it, an entirely new industry. My guess is this is the kid you remember in high school who could always be remembered for his famous line…"Hey, you 'all …watch this." Now he's probably rich and retired and I'm still sitting here…

Well, I'll just keep on thinking and watching the help wanted ads…might be something coming out that isn't dangerous and pays well….right.

© Peary Perry


Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
May 12, 2004
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