"Crime does not pay ... as well as politics."
By Alfred E. Newman

Seems to me that Alfred E. Newman was that weird little guy from the old Mad Magazine comic books. Even though he is a fictional character, he sure got it right this time. Here we are at the beginning of the national political season once again. As Americans we can eagerly look forward to another round of vigorous mud slinging, back stabbing, lying, cheating and scandal as the two candidates get under way once again in their pursuit to lead this country. We'll probably get all of the aforementioned within the first sixty days or so, leaving us another seven months to mull over which candidate is the most convincing in their efforts to sway the undecided voters in our nation.

Don't be fooled into thinking it's the Republicans or the Democrats who will decide who will lead us for the next four years because it isn't. The Democrats will exercise their votes for their candidate no matter what. The Republicans likewise. Those who voted for Bill Clinton and then Al Gore aren't any more likely to vote for George W. Bush than a man in the moon.

Likewise the die-hard Bush camp won't vote for John Kerry under any circumstances.

No, the deciding vote in this election will be those who are currently undecided. Those are the votes that will make the difference. Those are the voters the advertisements each party will be courting for the next nine; count 'em, nine months until November gets here.

So, just sit tight and get yourself prepared to see nothing but political posturing along with family pictures with lots of dogs and 'the little people'. Then you'll see long shots of various candidates looking as if in deep concentration over some worldwide dilemma in which their decision might just mean the end of human existence, as we know it. In addition we have to survive the debates and the interviews with all of the networks talking heads. Now, some of these I find amusing since they ask questions, which are impossible to answer or for any normal person to be prepared to handle.

These are along the lines of:
Interviewer (I): "So, if you're elected President how would you handle the effects of an oncoming collision with an asteroid the size of Rhode Island?"
Potential contender (PC): "I'm glad you asked that question, Chet…I've prepared a study (unrolls a large chart) showing what we should do under my leadership once I'm elected."
I: "Your chart is blank…."
PC: (Looking astonished) "Well, so it is Roger, that's because my Blue Ribbon Select Asteroid Emergency committee is developing an exit strategy for Rhode Island as we speak, something my worthy opponent hasn't even started to think about. We'll unveil our twenty five point plan in December."
I: "But, that's a month after the election."
PC: "Of course, it is…. Mike; you can't expect us to announce this daring new and innovative idea BEFORE the election can you? Our worthy, but slimy opponent might steal it and try to use it for themselves.
I: "Moving on, can you share with us your vision for improving the economy in this country?"
PC: "I'm so glad you asked that question, Dan, which is one very intelligent question that deserves an answer."
Time passes. Nothing but silence from the continually smiling, pointing and waving candidate.
I: "I'm sorry but I didn't hear your answer."
PC: "Well, Tom, without telling you too much of our plans ahead of time, I will say to you that when I am elected we will be able to add another 400 million new jobs to our current economy. This should bring us back to full prosperity and make us the envy of the free world."
I: "That's a very ambitious plan, but we only have a current population of about 285 million people in the entire country, where would you get all of the people to fill those jobs?"
PC: "Well, Peter…that's a secret you and the rest of the country will just have to wait to hear about…but I will tell you this, consider what would happen if we annexed both India and China. All of those jobs would be ours once again. This is a bold new vision for America."
I: "Yes, well, I suppose we'll just have to wait to see how all of that shakes out…. One final thing, sir do you plan on debating your opponent?"
PC: "I'm so glad you asked that… Andy, we have asked the other side for a debate to be held each and every night before the election, but so far they have not responded to our challenge. It just goes to show you they are yellow liver lilied cowards of the first order and cannot or will not respect the will of the American people."

So there you have it folks, some nine months from now, it will all be over. The same time it takes for a baby to be conceived and born.

There's a thought….

Be good to yourselves


© Peary Perry

Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com