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by Peary Perry
Peary Perry
I am hoping the events I am about to describe are just the result of being overworked and having too much to do rather than anything serious. I trust you will tell me if I am going crazy or just normal, whatever that is. I'm not certain I know at this stage of my life.

Each week, from Tuesday until the following Monday I search various sources for items that might be of help to me in writing this column each week. Last Sunday, as I was looking through the Sunday paper I stumbled across one of those advertisements for some kind of pill or drug that has been developed to help with acid reflux. I think this is the same ailment we used to call gas or heartburn, but I'm not really certain.

Anyway, here is this ad telling all of us that this wonderful little pill is going to help us feel much better and they are even offering to give me free samples. I didn't really think anything about this but then turned the page and found the section describing the potential 'side effects' that this wonder medication might have.

Here was my source for my column for this week.

Except for one thing…I can't remember what I did with the advertisement. I remember hiding it from myself so I wouldn't lose it and now it's lost. Probably in the same place I hid that credit card I didn't want to carry around with me because I didn't want to be tempted to start charging on it. I have turned this place upside down looking for the article and still have no clue as to what I have done with it. I know it is here somewhere, but cannot put my fingers on it so I'll just have to fake it, so bear with me.

In short the advertisement listed more side effects than I could imagine. Possible weight loss, weight gain, diarrhea, skin rash, vomiting, loss of sleep, nervous stomach, drowsiness, pregnancy ….no, I was just kidding about the last one to see if you were paying attention.

The bottom line here seemed me that they pretty well covered all of their bases by listing everything that could possibly go wrong just in case it did. This is probably the result of having lawyers on monthly retainers. It seems to me that the cure could end up being worse than the cause for the cure. I'd rather have a case of heartburn over vomiting any day of the week. Weight loss I could go for, weight gain? Not on your life. Who wants to chance that?

Besides I've had heartburn and we used to solve it by drinking some bicarbonate of soda. It always worked for me, but don't try it just because I said so, ask your doctor first. The last time I mentioned something about medicine, I was severely chastised by several doctors for my opinion, so therein explains the reason for my disclaimer. Make certain your doctor says it's ok for you to use any medication, whether prescribed or over the counter or under the counter, or whatever. Make certain he or she has given you a thorough examination before starting any medications, treatments or exercise programs. This column is not responsible for any accidents, injuries or other nefarious results which may arise from reading my opinions. My opinions are mine and mine alone and are not expected to be taken seriously enough to cause danger or harm to any individual or animal, whether living or dead. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely a coincidence and is the result of a warped sense of humor on the part of the author. The author has no insurance and is based out of the country of Bosnia, which has jurisdiction over any intended lawsuit or legal action.

My attorney suggested the last paragraph. I suppose I'll owe him another $200 for his wise advice.

Anyway, there you have it, the effort of the week. I can't find the drug advertisement, because I forgot where I saved it. This can only lead to one thing and that is to look for a drug that helps me not to forget. If I can remember to look for one during the coming week.

That is, providing I can find one that doesn't include vomiting and weight gain. Or hair loss and scaly skin, or a variety of other ailments I'd rather not have.

Take care, until next week……

© Peary Perry
Letters From North America >

December 1, 2006 column
Syndicated weekly in 80 newspapers
Comments go to www.pearyperry.com
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