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Voice mail, Taxes,
Politics, Television and Diet

by Peary Perry
Peary Perry
Sometimes the thought occurs to me that perhaps I've already died and have been living in Hell. As much as I'd like to think this is not true, I am still forced to concede to the following which I'm sure you'll agree cause us so much grief, we might think we are in Hell already.

Voice mail - how much of our time is wasted each and every day listening to that dumb little voice which always starts out…"Your call is important to us, please be patient and stay on the line. We will answer your call in the order it was received. Our operators are on the other lines assisting other customers. We estimate your call will be answered within ten minutes." First off, how come I'm never, ever the first person on the line and every one else is waiting? I mean, do some people get up at five in the morning to call the phone company or the power company just so they aren't placed on hold? Not that it would matter since these folks don't start taking calls until about nine o'clock anyway. This is a little piece of Hell… in my opinion.

Taxes - have you ever heard of any tax actually going down? All I've ever heard about is how much more they need to fill their coffers. Not that the service for any governmental project seems to get any better, it just means more and more people are working on the same old inefficient agency, doesn't it? Someone sent me a quote the other day that said something along the lines that in some cases throwing more people into some project or another will not improve their efficiency. For example, no matter how many women you apply to the task, it still takes nine months to have a baby. The same could be said for the government. Another piece of Hell, we all endure.

Politics - this is the time of the year, when we start with the process all over again of determining who will be lesser of evils in running our country. I don't care if you're a republican or a democrat; they all have their faults and quirks when you get right down to it. If you go back in history, I think you'll find that every presidential candidate has promised a chicken in every pot and what do we get? Well, it isn't a chicken, that's for sure. Each side blames the other for anything that goes wrong, and each side takes credit for everything that goes right. We expect our candidates to be saints starting at about the age of accountability or five years old. If they ever cheated at marbles, then we want to hold them up to the world and unworthy. On the other hand if our candidate, lied, cheated and stole, well then it's of because we shouldn't be concerned over his personal integrity. We have at least 8 ½ months more of this daily drudgery to look forward to. Another piece of evidence that we're in Hell.

Television - doesn't it strike you as odd that we have about 450 channels to choose from and nothing worthwhile to see? I mean how many times can you watch "Smokey and the bandit"? Why do we need reruns of Dallas when we already know what happened to J.R.? Look at the History channel, twenty-four hours, seven days a week, three hundred sixty five days a year of old World War Two films. Are we hoping to see a change? I mean, let's face it. Germany lost. We won. How much more of this do I have to see in my lifetime? I think I'm in Hell.

Decline and fall of the stock market - do I need to say more? Tell me this isn't looking like Hell.

Diets - the final straw and most sinister of all Hellish devices. Tell me you haven't ever been on a diet at some point in your life. But, which one? We live in the most modern and best-advanced medical country in the world and we still can't get information to tell us if we should eat bread or not. Is steak good or bad for us? Can I have salt or not have salt? Will we die if we drink coffee? For every doctor or scientist telling us that we can eat pasta, there is another one who says we can't. Who should we listen to? Who is telling us the truth? Who knows? Diets alone are enough to convince me I'm already in Hell.

Of course I may just be wrong and this may only be a preview of what Hell is actually like. If so, then I need to make certain my act is straight and I get squared away before my number comes up. Who'd want to endure this kind of misery for eternity?
© Peary Perry
Letters From North America

March 8 , 2004 column

Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com
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