Because
they've seen the best and worst of humanity, lawyers are among our best storytellers.
When Joe Tonahill of Jasper passed away a few years ago, East Texas
not only lost a great attorney, but a skilled yarn-spinner. Many of his stories
were in the courtrooms where he achieved his fame.
Years ago Tonahill
was trying a railroad crossing case in which a train struck a car. The principal
witness was an elderly man with a wooden leg. Tonahill asked him:"Well, did you
see the wreck when the train ran over the car and killed my client's son?"
The witness replied: "Yeah, I came out of the house when it happened."
Tonahill continued: "Well, tell us about it."
The man said: "Well,
I got an old blue tick hound and he lays on the front porch and listens for the
train. It can be a mile away and he feels the vibrations, and he knows its coming.
If the train blows a whistle and it rings a bell, my dog will answer it. On that
day, it didn't and my old dog sure was disappointed."
With that, the
defense attorney jumped to his feet and objected: "Judge, we're having to listen
to hearsay from a dog."
Tonahill
was trying another railroad crossing case and was questioning the train's elderly
engineer.
He asked him: "Do you think the reason my client didn't see
the engine was that the railroad had failed to cut the brush on the right-of-way
and it blinded you?"
The engineer thought a minute and replied: "Either
that or these damned cataracts I got."
Tonahill also told the story about
a laywer named Spivey who had won a case and the jurors had been dismissed. As
the jurors filed out of the courtroom, one remained in his seat. The judge reminded
him the case had been settled.
The juror replied: "I can't leave, judge.
I'm Mr. Spivey's juror."
In
another case, Tonahill was defending the accused in a Newton County murder case.
The man had killed another by slicing him in the jugular vein. Before the trial,
the man was being prepared by Tonahill.
"Now, Ernest," he began, "we're
getting ready to go to trial and I want to ask you again. When you were in this
fight, you accidentally cut this guy with your knife. Is that right?"
Ernest replied, OOh, no, lawyer, that was no accident. I've killed too many hogs.
When I heard that big thing (the jugular viein) go errrcccch, I knew I had him."
Tonhill replied, "Now, Ernest, if you tell it that way, you'll ride ol' sparky."
Ernest thought a minute and replied: "Lawyer, let me tell you about that
accident."
Years
before Tonahill rose to promience, J.J. Collins of Lufkin was one of the best
courtroom attorneys in Texas. He, too, was a remarkable storyteller.
In a Lufkin courthouse, Collins was prosecuting a murder case in which a man named
Hosea was killed. In a dramatic case, the defendant's lawyer walked to the courtroom
window, looked toward the heavens, and called out in a somber voice: "Oh, Hosea."
The courtroom became very quiet and the lawyer said, "No answer." He repeated
the scene twice and the atmosphere became increasingly dramatic. At that point,
Collins addressed his fellow lawyer: "Counselor, you'll have to holler a little
louder. Hosea can't hear you down there."
September
1, 2003 column
Published with permission
This column is provided
by the East Texas Historical Association as a public service. Bob Bowman is a
former president of the Association and author of almost 30 books about East Texas.
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