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AIDA LOTT
The Masked Mystery Gourmet
Texas Escapes Food Editor
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Aida
Lott is the nom d'plume of Clifton Stonecipher III, who himself
is a pseudonym for yet another staff member who shall remain anonymous.
The advantage of a cross-gender restaurant reviewer is you have a
person who is equally at home in a tearoom or a truckstop, one who
can literally eat pounds of meat and still critique the salad bar.
Physically, Aida/Clifton describes her/himself as having the physique
of Chef Boyardee with the petiteness of Julia Child. |
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Aida
checks weight of moon pies at last year's Oktoberfest. |
CHILDHOOD:
THE MAKING OF AN OMNIVORE
Rumored to be the lovechild of Uncle Ben and Betty
Crocker, Aida/Clifton was abandoned behind a bakery in Dallas
and was raised by Mrs. Baird. She even crossed paths with ‘Little
Debbie' when they both received electric shock therapy in the 1950's.
An unhappy teenage marriage to The Green Giant failed to bear fruit.
As Aida puts it, "His heart was all man, but I knew in his head
he'd always be a vegetable."
This brief liaison left Aida not only confused about gender but phylum
as well.
After years of eating disorders and a diet of nothing but tubers ("I
was trying to get back to my roots") we are glad to say Aida
is well and on our staff.
When not reviewing restaurants, Aida loves to bake for the staff here
at Texas Escapes.
Ironically, although she is wealthy (a trust fund from her uncle General
Mills), we hired her because she kneads the dough.
© John
Troesser
1998
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Escapes, in its purpose to preserve historic, endangered and vanishing
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