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 Texas : Features : Humor

HEDONISM IN EAST TEXAS

by Sandy Fiedler

Hedonism? What's 'at? Ah don't have time for no readin' and learnin' big words like 'at.

Is 'at somp'm lak communism or socialism? Heck, Ah leave all that politickin' to them soft glad-handers in the big cities. All they do is wear starched white shirts and shake a few hands ever day and smile big. They don't know the meanin' of an honest day's work. They have a easy life of luxury, Ah always say.

Man, all Ah DO is work. Ah have to be down at the shop at 8:30 or 9:00 five mornin's of a week. Ma wife, she cain't fix me no breakfast. She don't hardly bother me when she gets up at four of a morning to go to Wal-Mart warehouse. She drives a forklift. She only works four of them 10-hour days. She has ever Fridey off. Lucky dawg, my old lady. Well, she ain't really my wife. Ah'm not ready for a commitment yet, but Ah let the kids take ma name so it won't be confusin' at school.

Ah told her, "Babe, now you can run outta bread and milk for the babies, but don't never let me run outta beer in that fridge." Ah have to have my six-pack every evenin' to unwind from a hard day at work.

Ah get breakfast down at the shop. They always have 'em good fresh donuts and plenty of hot coffee. We knock off for lunch about a quarter tuh twelve. Me and the guys go into town and get chicken-fried steak or jumbo burgers. Then it's back to work. Sometimes it gets slow in the evenin' and Ah can work on ma Gold Wing Honda Ah'm overhaulin'. Ah keep it in the back just in case Ah get a chance. Sometimes Ah put my feet up and take a 30-minute nap. Shore is refreshin' on a hot afternoon.

Ah call it quitin' time about 4:30 in the evenin'. Gives me some time to make ma rounds to stop in and see ma buddies. Then Ah head for the house. We have a good size double-wide on Daddy's land. Four-thousand square feet. Five bedrooms. Three baths. Two livin' rooms. Pool in the back. Big-screen TV. I don't know what Ah ever did without those hunderd 'n fity channels Ah git on that satellite dish.

Me and my boy ride them four-wheelers on the back pasture. Sometimes we get almost to the next county line. What's the name of that county?

Man, there is some good huntin' back there in the woods. Me and my buddies camp out there and hunt ever weekend durin' huntin' season. Good fishin' too.

The only thang Ah ever do just for fun is when me and my buddies go to Lusiana or them Mississippi River boats for gammlin'. We don't lose much. Boy, is it excitin'!

What was that word again? Hedonism? It means what? "The doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life"..hmmmm. Ah don't know nothin' about that. All Ah DO is work.


October, 2000
Sandy Fiedler

 
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