TexasEscapes.com HOME Welcome to Texas Escapes
A magazine written by Texas
Custom Search
New   |   Texas Towns   |   Ghost Towns   |   Counties   |   Trips   |   Features   |   Columns   |   Architecture   |   Images   |   Archives   |   Site Map


Columns



Texas | Columns | "Quips and Salsa"

Make Halloween great again


by Jase Graves
Jase Graves

Now that we are elbow-deep in the pumpkin guts of October, I'm starting to feel the holiday season kick-off excitement that has captured my imagination ever since I was a young lad overdosing on Brach's Mellowcreme Pumpkins and memorizing the Sears Holiday Wish Book when I should've been diagraming sentences or deciphering the dark sorcery of fractions.

But like Sears, which is currently in retail ICU, Halloween just ain't what it used to be—especially since my three daughters are now teenagers and barely acknowledge me as a semi-solid state of matter.

When the girls were little, one of the highlights of my year was helping them get dressed up to go trick-or-treating, always watching out for their wellbeing as I conducted random taste tests of their treats—just the chocolate ones—for safety.

For the past few years, though, instead of some innocent trick-or-treating, my two older daughters have focused on the frightening and macabre side of the holiday—namely teenage boys. And due to the COVID-19 pandemic spoiling last year's Halloween night, my youngest daughter had to settle for staying home and seeing how many Kit Kats she could consume without throwing up on her iPhone.

Even our family tradition of gathering in the garage a few days before Halloween night to carve jack-o'-lanterns has been disrupted by the ravages of puberty (theirs-not mine). For 17 years straight, we would scrape, gouge and slice until the floor of our garage looked like the Great Pumpkin just gave birth. And once the carving was finished, I'd chase the girls around the front yard in an old sheet listening to them squeal with delight and trying not to trip and rupture a major organ (mine-not theirs).

Last year, nobody was interested in carving a single pumpkin, and my wife wouldn't let me wear a sheet and run around the front yard by myself—or chase her.

And speaking of ghosts, it's a lot tougher to give the girls a harmless scare these days (except when I walk through the house shirtless). I used to enjoy giving them the willies with my story of the giant "ghost skunk" that lurked around outside, waiting to spray young girl children who complained about their dad's jokes and fashion choices. Since the girls all became teenagers, though, I'm the one constantly terrified that one of them is going to come home holding hands with some dude named Blade, Diesel or Maximus.

Yes, I understand that change is inevitable, and it's usually best to embrace it—or at least give it a side hug. And I do love my teen daughters dearly, even if they would rather spend time with boys who still don't have to shave their ears.

I'm not giving up on Halloween quite yet, though. In fact, since Dr. Fauci recently released the holiday out of quarantine from his basement, I was thrilled when my youngest daughter asked me to take her trick-or-treating this year (maybe for the last time)—if I promise to stay out of her Kit Kats.


Jase Graves
"Quips and Salsa" 10-18-21 column



Jase Grave's "Quips and Salsa" columns
Humor


  • School Project Management 10-4-21
  • College Football Fan Follies 9-20-21
  • Moving Heaven, Earth, and a Daughter to College 9-7-21
  • Advice for College Freshpersons 8-23-21
  • Take a hike. Save a tick. 8-9-21

    more »


  • More Columns

    Texas Escapes Online Magazine »   Archive Issues » Home »
    TEXAS TOWNS & COUNTIES TEXAS LANDMARKS & IMAGES TEXAS HISTORY & CULTURE TEXAS OUTDOORS MORE
    Texas Counties
    Texas Towns A-Z
    Texas Ghost Towns

    TEXAS REGIONS:
    Central Texas North
    Central Texas South
    Texas Gulf Coast
    Texas Panhandle
    Texas Hill Country
    East Texas
    South Texas
    West Texas

    Courthouses
    Jails
    Churches
    Schoolhouses
    Bridges
    Theaters
    Depots
    Rooms with a Past
    Monuments
    Statues

    Gas Stations
    Post Offices
    Museums
    Water Towers
    Grain Elevators
    Cotton Gins
    Lodges
    Stores
    Banks

    Vintage Photos
    Historic Trees
    Cemeteries
    Old Neon
    Ghost Signs
    Signs
    Murals
    Gargoyles
    Pitted Dates
    Cornerstones
    Then & Now

    Columns: History/Opinion
    Texas History
    Small Town Sagas
    Black History
    WWII
    Texas Centennial
    Ghosts
    People
    Animals
    Food
    Music
    Art

    Books
    Cotton
    Texas Railroads

    Texas Trips
    Texas Drives
    Texas State Parks
    Texas Rivers
    Texas Lakes
    Texas Forts
    Texas Trails
    Texas Maps
    USA
    MEXICO
    HOTELS

    Site Map
    About Us
    Privacy Statement
    Disclaimer
    Contributors
    Staff
    Contact Us

     
    Website Content Copyright Texas Escapes LLC. All Rights Reserved