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 Texas : Features : Humor : Column - "A Balloon In Cactus"

Weirdo Father of the Year

by Maggie Van Ostrand
Maggie Van Ostrand
"My pappy was a pistol, I'm a son of a gun" say the lyrics of the late songmeister Roger Miller's country western hit, "Dang Me."

Michael Jackson might well be singing those lyrics today.

Pappy Joe Jackson's hand rose simultaneously with his son's in a victory greeting to fans waiting outside the Santa Maria court after the "Not guilty on all counts" verdict was read. At last Joe seems to have gotten the approbation he believes he has deserved all these years. It's all about him. It was always The Jackson Six, not Five. He was behind them all the time.

Gee, Joe, do you really think sticking by Michael's side now will make up for all you did to him when he was a defenseless kid? How much per diem are you getting from Michael?

Daddy Joe told British ezine, femalefirst.co.uk, in a June 2nd interview, "I wasn't a bad dad." Riiiiiight. Every little boy with a nose like his daddy's grows to adulthood, can't bear the resemblance, and cuts it off. Or maybe it was to spite his face.

After the infamous Martin Bashear interview, "Living With Michael Jackson," during which the superstar revealed the extent of Joe's "tough love," Daddy Dearest freaked out.

"Come on... he did not get whipped," snarled Joe, adding that his wife, Katherine, "whipped him more than I did." Make up yer mind, dude, you either did whup him or you didn't.

Joe Jackson insists his son lied in the documentary, but said they put aside their differences privately. He has remained at his son's side throughout the child molestation trial in Santa Maria, even after he was shown the footage of the Bashear interview where his weeping weirdo son told Bashear he was badly beaten by his dad. Liar, liar, pants on fire? But whose pants? Daddy or Peter Pan? That said, I suppose it's safer to stand by Michael's side than in front of him.

Joe went on to say, "Michael, I'm there for you all the time and I love you. People's gonna talk but I still love you and hope you do well."

Whether or not Joe actually whacked the daylights out of his singing son and dubbed him "Big Nose," Michael's strangeness began somewhere.

Maybe it all began when Joe murdered little Michael's pet mouse although, in the long run, better Michael's father than Walt Disney's.

Copyright Maggie Van Ostrand
"A Balloon In Cactus"
June 16, 2005 column
Email: maggie@maggievanostrand.com

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