One
of our neighbors disappeared last week. They hunted for him high and
low, even sent in a helicopter
for aerial observation. They finally found his body, pulled under
a massive Potato Vine that had gotten completely
out of hand. These damn potato vines are the current most popular
accent plant in suburbia.
You see them everywhere. People plant them for fast foliage, not knowing
they seal their own doom.
There is no Warning on the plants. Anyone can buy them, without an
ID or background check.
The problem is, once they take hold, they spread rapidly, and like
Jack's Beanstalk, they become enormous.
They also have long tentacles like an Octopus which can pull in unsuspecting
visitors or small mammals.
Have you seen your mailman lately?
There is just no telling how many bodies are now buried under these
things.
People think the Yard Man will take care of it.
By the way, where is the Yard Man?
Remember your dog who you let out one night and it never came back?
A potato vine can grow 6 feet a night and can cover a driveway or
even a house.
Some people get trapped inside their houses. When their food finally
plays out, they bolt the door, hopping over the tentacles
and try to get to the main road,so they can flag down a car and get
the hell out.
The Homeowner Association has issued a warning and advised us to
"bring small children and pets inside at night". One or the other.
Your call.
Next week we start classes on Potato Vine Therapy for victims of Potato
Vine aggression.
My wife, curiously enough, doesn't seem too upset about the situation.
"Such a pretty vine" she says.
When i asked her what i should plant in the planter next to the front
door
she said quickly "Potato Vine", without hesitation
A trace of an smile turning up in the corners of her mouth. A dreamy
quality to her eyes.
Consequently, I have changed my will and now everything goes to the
Poodle.
If I fail to turn up one day, look under the Potato Vine!
© d.knape
September 5, 2016
More "Once Upon A Line" - Light verse and
poetry by d.knape
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