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Texas | Columns | "Wandering"

There's something about 'merry'

by Wanda Orton
Wanda Orton
When entering a doctor's office or hospital, don't forget to bring driver's license, medical insurance and Social Security cards, list of medications and a sense of humor.

I keep saying this: "A merry heart doeth good like medicine." (Actually I stole that line from the Bible.)

However, when you're around doctors, nurses, medical technicians and other in the medical field, all of whom take their work seriously - as they should -- it's not always easy to spread merriment.

Last time I tried was several years ago when I had a cat scan. I was in the waiting room of the hospital's radiology department, sipping a quart of fruit-flavored liquid, when the comedy kicked in. "Oh, I didn't know you had a bar here," I told the nice lady when she handed me the drink. "I should have brought money for a tip."

No response. She must not have heard me.

She left, and I had no one else to "smart off" to then except others in the room drinking the same stuff within the designated time frame of two hours. For their benefit, I repeated my joke about the tip.

No response.

They continued to watch TV, read old magazines and sip their fruit-flavored drinks.

Amid all this excitement, I spilled part of my drink in my lap. At last someone smiled -- sort of - at my soaked skirt.

"Dig this crazy lap top," I said, grabbing tissues from my purse to absorb a minor flood. "Glad it wasn't hot coffee from a fast-food joint."

No response.

When my two hours were up and the drink was gone, my name was called.

I marched on merrily to Cat Scan Center, first to a room where I received an injection of whatever, and then to the Doughnut Shop. The scanner is a round, white machine with an opening in it - like a doughnut -- and that's the only way I know to describe it. I never went to med school.

I reclined on a long, narrow, uncomfortable table aiming my head toward the doughnut.

"Turn around," the technician told me. "Your feet belong there. Your head at the other end."

And there I go again: "Looks like I don't know which end is up."

No response. She must not have heard me.

Then she and her co-worker commenced the procedure, rolling me in and out, telling me when to hold my breath and breathe out, and so on.

Everything was going good until right at the last when, by force of my silly nature, I just had to say it.

"I always heard there are more ways than one to scan a cat."

They couldn't get me out of there soon enough.



Wanda Orton Baytown Sun Columnist
"Wandering" November 13 , 2015 columns

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