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Movie
stars will soon stroll the Red Carpet into Hollywood's Dolby Theatre
for the Academy Awards. Frankly, that's small potatoes. The carpet
that's really important isn't red, it's green. And the stars walking
on it are walking on all fours. Should anyone from the media ask,
"Who are you wearing?" the answer wouldn't be Vera Wang, Chanel
or Versace; it would be "I'm wearing myself."
There are just as many celebrities in the dog world as in the movie
world, and wagging tails are even more plentiful. No make-up, no
face lifts, no steroids. And their noses are original.
The formally dressed judges for each dog breed, including the biggie,
Best in Show, wield as much influence as celebrities do at the Oscars.
Maybe more. Talk about your blue bloods, there are more on this
carpet than on all of Park Avenue.
What was I saying? Oh yes, I was talking about the green carpet.
It amazes me that this carpet remains unsullied and I sometimes
ponder how that can be, considering such high-strung pedigree pups
in an arena of high stakes for big bucks, loud applause, and sizzling
excitement. No matter, they probably have their own marble bathrooms.
Unlike equally high-strung, dog-eat-dog actors at the Oscars who
clutch their award with trembling hands, let fall tears of gratitude,
and thank everyone they ever met, dogs maintain a noble dignity
and classic discipline. Especially terriers.
Terriers always seem to give the distinct impression that they rather
enjoy the judge's fiddling at their hind ends, though I assume their
counterparts at the Oscars would smack down anyone who fiddled with
theirs. Then again, maybe not.
At the north end of a dog, the judge lifts their upper lips and
paws about in their mouths, presumably checking incisor quality,
while the trainer, at the south end, raises the dog's tail straight
up in the air, leaving an audience of socialites trusting that the
dog has not eaten beans.
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