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  • Columns | "A Balloon In Cactus"

    Politically Indirect, or,
    the True Meaning of the Word
    Humbug

    by Maggie Van Ostrand
    Maggie Van Ostrand
    Humbug means "deception" and if there's anyplace to find humbug, it's D.C. Just because politicians talk doesn't mean they're saying anything. It's high time we sat down and figured out the true meanings behind their deceptive words.

    Here are 10 examples of differences between what they say and what they mean:

    FLIP-FLOP
    I didn't think you'd understand the word "reversal."

    ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE
    I hate his guts.

    IF YOU WILL
    I'm sorry, I have no idea of what I just said.

    GOING FORWARD

    I'm making a circular movement resulting in a full stop.

    WHAT AMERICA WANTS
    Whatever lobbyists pay me to say you want.

    SEA CHANGE
    I'll send U.S. jobs overseas because those corporations pay me a lot more than you do.

    SPECIAL INTERESTS

    Anonymous corporations willing to pay large money for small favors. Pipeline anyone?

    OBSTRUCTIONIST

    By voting no, I can stay loyal to those who pay me the most.

    MANDATE
    That's when I'm paid to make you believe that something you don't want is something you do want. Also known as Inventing Statistics.

    BI-PARTISAN

    Even if it's good for the nation, I say no anyway because No is now my comfort zone.

    I used to think D.C. stood for District of Columbia but it doesn't -- it stands for Dodge City. Finding out that politicians are full of humbug is on a par with finding out there isn't any tooth fairy, Santa Claus doesn't come down the chimney, and mistletoe is really a fungus.

    Merry Christmas anyway.


    ©
    Maggie Van Ostrand, December 23 , 2011 column
    More "A Balloon In Cactus" | More Columns
    See also Christmas in Texas
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