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Humor Column
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"The Girl
Detective's Theory of Everything"
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by Elizabeth
Bussey Sowdal
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New
Happy Trails 5-9-08
By the time you read this I will be a long gone baby! Our vacation,
the first in two years (two really awful years, if you want to know),
will be well underway and I will be alternately bathing in aloe vera,
trying to master the fine art of sucking in my thighs (although one
of the advantages of going to a resort frequented by middle aged Italians
is that my thighs are about average there), and swimming with the
fishies. In a good way. I hope... |
Columns
Bi-weekly
Crazy
Head 4-24-08
Packrat
3-6-08
Whacha
Gonna Do With All That Junk? 2-14-08
Giiiii-Cher
Popcorn 1-28-08
Money
Can’t Buy Me Love 12-16-07
Lunching
12-1-07
Elective
11-5-07
Thursday.
Blech. 10-5-07
Oh,
Honey! 9-15-07
Home,
Home In My Range 9-3-07
The
Heat Is On! 8-15-07
The
Dreaded Friendship Bread 8-2-07
A
Blessed Event 7-14-07
Why
We Will Never Be Rich 6-30-07
For
Sale 6-15-07
Career
Alternatives 6-1-07
Big
Babies 5-11-07
Delicious
Crow 5-1-07
12,000
Nights 4-16-07
Spring
3-28-07
Take
It Where You Can Get It 2-16-07
Differently
Cognizant 2-1-07
Subtext
1-22-07
2007
1-1-07
What
Next? 12-16-06
Baffle
'Em With Grannyspeak! 12-1-06
Hey
Good Lookin’! Whatcha Got Cookin’? 11-23-06
Shootin’
Marbles With Mama’s Glass Eye 11-17-06
Peek-A-Boo!
11-1-06
Blame
it on the Boogie 10-15-06
Dire
Circumstances 10-1-06
Faith
Triumphant 9-11-06
No,
Seriously? I Was Kidding. 9-1-06
The
Truth About Love 8-15-06
Found
Time 8-1-06
An
Apology 7-15-06
Morning
Glory 7-1-06
Poor
Fatherless Child 6-15-06
The
New Thirty 6-1-06
Home
Again, Home Again 5-17-06
Vacation
Preparation 5-2-06
One
or Two Things I Have Learned 4-17-06
I'll
Fly Away 4-1-06
Here's a story. It's a true one, every bit of it, and I think a
nice one despite the details, which are not entirely nice.
Gory
Days 3-24-06
"...That was the day that I found out the whole wide world
wasn't filled with best friends of mine..."
On
the Cusp 3-9-06
"Okay,
there is something seriously wrong in the Universe and I am not
above whining about it..."
Lightening
the Burden 2-16-06
Interview
2-1-06
Bug
Huntin’ 1-15-06
True
to Breed 1-2-06
Right
Brain Left Brain 12-15-05
The
Time is Now 12-1-05
I am usually
fairly busy and my time is often squeezed into a schedule tighter
than one of Madonna’s bustiers...
How
Do I Love Thee?
11-15-05
I
Hate My Boss 11-2-05
Too
Thrilling 10-15-05
"I
have never left my family at home and gone off on a trip with a
kindred spirit..."
Cellfish
10-1-05
"Not only have cell phones pretty thoroughly destroyed my fantasy
life but I am no longer able to tell who is insane."
Be
Prepared! 9-14-05
Finger
Lickin’ Good 9-1-05
"It must be awfully hard to be the youngest child..."
Nesting
8-15-05
"...Friends, something truly wonderful has happened
to me and I want to share it for those of you who are one or two
steps behind me on the life experience ladder...."
The
Pause That Regresses 8-1-05
"Male menopause, or andropause."
Tornado
Season 7-15-05
Dear
Son 7-1-05
Lessons
From My Sons 6-15-05
Mominator
6-1-05
"I would like to tell you about going to the gym with my boys..."
Paaaar-Teeee!
5-14-05
Boy Sleep Overs, or The End of Civilization As We Know It
Love
You, Ociffer! 5-1-05 new
"If I were the Boss of Everything..."
Granny
Pants 4-17-05
"I have become the nightmare of my teenage years..."
Men
I Wanted to Marry 4-5-05
"Broken
Heart" Syndrome 3-28-05
"The...folks at the famous Johns Hopkins University School
of Medicine announced their findings on stress induced cardiomyopathy,
which they have dubbed "Broken Heart" Syndrome..."
Home
Improvement 3-14-05
"It is the strong marriage that survives each spring without
a tremor or two."
Butter
Manners 3-1-05
The women in our family can be as sweet and mild
as milk through all kinds of adversity. But everyone has their breaking
point...
Big
Business 2-16-05
"Sara Lee owns Hanes.
Got it? Hanes, manufacturer of stretchy clothing of all types for
all ages, sizes and genders. T-shirts. Elastic waisted knit shorts.
Briefs. Huge, forgiving white underpants. Jammies..."
Tow
Trucks and Snugglers and Snuff, Oh My! 2-1-05
Running home to Oklahoma City to Mama and Papa, with a car full
of babies and roadmaps and stuffed animals and regrets and hopes
and ‘Nilla Wafers...
A
Home of My Own 1-16-05
New
Year’s Resolutions 1-1-05
Love
is in the Hair 12-15-04
Sow’s
Ear 12-1-04
"Bad news. Real bad news. I’ve got to have an Outfit..."
In
the Zone 11-15-04
"The world is becoming a bigger and more impersonal place..."
Ghoulies
and Ghosties and Long-legged Beasties 10-18-04
New
Shoes 10-16-04
"... You were not defined by your Easter shoes the way you
were by your school shoes...."
Hit
Me With Your Best Shot 10-6-04
Forty-two is a bad, bad age.
There’s
One Born Every Minute 9-16-04
Move
Over Ansel Adams! 9-8-04
Dog
Days 8-30-04
© Elizabeth Bussey
Sowdal
Column
begins August, 2004 |
Bio
I was raised in a medium sized town in southwestern New Mexico by
parents who taught me that the Universe is a complicated and moderately
ridiculous place. They also taught me that, "if you got up there on
your own, you can get down on your own," and that, "a little dirt
never hurt anyone." Words of wisdom, and I have done my best to remember
them.
After high school I planned to move to New York and become a world
famous novelist. In pursuit of this goal, I dropped out of the University
of New Mexico, got married and began having children just as hard
and fast as I could. Later I came to realize that this might not have
been the wisest career move. But it was certainly a learning experience.
In an effort to get out of going to my tenth high school reunion I
got divorced and the kids and I started fresh. I continued to write
throughout those years. However, because the children insisted on
having multiple meals a day and were required to wear shoes to school,
I decided on nursing as a good way to supplement our income until
the millions began to roll in.
Fourteen years later I am happily married to a very nice man, my children
are bigger and smarter and funnier and better looking than I had any
right to expect, and I am still writing. Just as hard and fast as
I can. And, since they have not yet changed the rule about wearing
shoes in schools and other public places, I also work as a registered
nurse in a level one trauma ICU here in Oklahoma City.
Elizabeth Bussey Sowdal
Auugust,
2004 |
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